This might not be the most astonising research finding ever, you know?

Binge drinking (5+ alcoholic beverages at one time) is associated with risky sexual behaviors.

Really? Someone had to do a study to work this out?

Isn’t that why they invented happy hour?

“The link between binge drinking and risky sexual behavior is complex,” said Heidi E. Hutton, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine as well as corresponding author for the study. “We wanted to examine one component of that relationship, whether binge drinking increased the risk of engaging in sexual behaviors and having STDs. We found gender differences in binge drinking among patients at an STD clinic, and also that binge drinking increased STD risk for women.”

Well, peoplewith a PhD are supposed to be clever but are we seriously suggesting that this result is “complex”?

People who drink too much have more sex with people they don’tknow, taking less care over contraception and the specific sexual activities than people who don’t drink too much?

This is “complex”?

“Binge drinking results in a decreased ability to make clear decisions,” noted Geetanjali Chander, assistant professor of medicine in the division of general internal medicine at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, “and can enable individuals to engage in behaviors that they would not if sober.”

I’m beginning to think that this paper might be a spoof actually. Drunk people do things that sober ones would not?

But apparently not. Our tax dollars were spent to bring us this entirely unsurprising news.