You don’t need an emotional intelligence test to tell you that people aren’t all the same. Some of us march to the beat of a drum so very different that other people can’t even hear it. When it comes to sex (an emotional test in and of itself for some) the differences in responses to negative emotions appear to be both gender and personality driven. You might be surprised to know that if you’re in the mood, your partner’s bad mood might not be bad news.

In short, having a real bad day makes some people long for love, according to research recently published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Female Emotional Intelligence and Sex
Basic emotional intelligence tells us that nobody wants to have sex when they’re depressed. Right? And the last thing anyone wants when they’re nail-bitingly anxious is a roll in the hay. For most women, this is true, since depression and anxiety decrease both sexual interest and response. However, one in ten women connects depression with sexual desire, and in 23% of college women anxiety means passion. These women actually become more interested in sex, and more physically responsive, when they’re down or anxious.

Male Emotional Intelligence and Sex
Apparently we can now locate jokes about the male bad mood in the same place as jokes about the location of the male brain. (Don’t think about that too much…) A significant number of men, it seems, want sex no matter what. Depression and anxiety just fan their eternal flames. No surprise there.

Emotional Intelligence Test Reliability
The Mood and Sexuality Questionnaire on which these conclusions are based rely on self-reporting, like the EQ SQ personality tests. As researchers caution, such assessments as these can’t always make finely tuned distinctions. However, if you take the tests simply for your own benefit, what reason do you have to be less than completely truthful (even unwitttingly)?

Emotional Intelligence Ignored
The link between bad days and good sex for some men and women isn’t just an interesting factoid, and you probably shouldn’t rely on it being true for the majority of men or women. Nevertheless, if you ARE thinking about consolation sex, consider the practical consequences. In men, whose eqs tend to be lower anyway, negative moods are also associated with risky sex–no condoms, more partners, casual encounters.

Perhaps everyone should take the EQ SQ tests as part of the prelude?

Ahem.

Sources:
• The Relationship Between Negative Mood and Sexuality in Heterosexual College Women and Men, by Amy D. Lykins, Erick Janssen, and Cynthia A. Graham. Journal of Sex Research 43.2 (May 2006).

About the author
Wendy Croix is a freelance writer and systematizing female whose favorite movie is “The Last Seduction,” a neo-noir about a woman with no eq at all.