My seventh grade English teacher, Mrs. Turner, paired us up to practice our listening skills. She emphasized that it was important to maintain eye contact, appear genuinely interested, and say little encouraging words like “huh,” “really,” and “okay.” You would think this prepared me well for “speed dating”. Six minutes of polite and active listening, despite the fact that you aren’t remotely interested in Dale’s stamp collection, and you’re debating whether to lie about your age to the next “victim” who is clearly ten years younger than you.

The Dating Crisis
In an effort to find the right mate, many singles are trying alternative dating methods including dating services, online dating, and speed dating. Perhaps this is because the number of adult singles aged 30 to 34 has tripled since 1970, though the majority say they want to be married. Given all these single, and presumably available, individuals; there must be some seriously bad dates thwarting the marriage plans. Can researchers predict the attraction between two people and end the dating crisis?

Faking Out the Love Machine
According to New Scientist, researchers have discovered a way to predict the attraction between two people at a speed dating event by analyzing clues in their voices. One indicator of attraction was the number of interjections that lasted less than a second. The more interjections, the stronger the attraction. Mrs. Turner was WRONG! Good manners and active listening skills seem to fake out the speed dating love machine. Clearly, that’s why I didn’t get any calls after my recent speed-dating adventure; I was too polite.

A Personality Test for Compatibility
Some dating services use tests to predict a couple’s compatibility, including one developed by Dr. Glenn Wilson. This self assessment test, called the Compatibility Quotient, invites participants to complete multiple choice questions (similar to the EQ SQ personality tests) based on 25 factors that most contribute to failed relationships. The closer the answers, the more compatible the two people are. This study dispels the old notion that opposites attract, something that many happily married couples regard as tried and true.

One thing’s for sure, you gotta get out there and strut your stuff before attraction can occur at all. Perhaps the most certain predictor of all is the desire for a partner.

Sources:
• Biography of “Dr. Glenn WIlson” Institute of Psychiatry at the Maudsley, King’s College LONDON
• Hogan, Jenny. “Learn to be Like a Love Machine.” New Scientist. December, 18, 2004, 184(2478): 36 (Login Only)
• The Facts Behind the CQ Test, Cybersuitors
• The Mating Crisis, KSL TV, 2005

About the author
Angela Novel is a chronically single 30-something who has tried all methods of dating services, including speed dating. She considers her combination of low EQ and varied dating experience crucial to her freelancing writing career.

The image of a woman “wearing the trousers” in a relationship isn’t a pretty one. This description is usually an insult to the man and a dubious compliment for the woman at best. Online, trouser-wearers are described variously as dictators, calling the shots, in charge of the relationship, and worse. Their counterparts are doormats, under the thumb, and “suckers”.

Trouser-Wearer Self-Assessment Tests
There are online quizzes directed at both genders designed to elucidate which partner is the wearer of “an outer garment for covering the body from the waist to the ankles, divided into sections to fit each leg separately.” When put like that it seems ridiculous that it can be such a trying emotional test for women (if they are perceived as wearing them) and men (if they are perceived as not wearing them). Is it possible that “trouser-wearing” parallels a more scientific evaluation of the differences between the male and the female psyche?

An Alternative to the EQ SQ Tests?
Could it be that, as with male versus female biases relating to work and leisure activities, we are actually seeing an empathizing versus systemizing split in the trouser-wearing debate? Has “wearing the trousers” become synonymous with the systemizing male brain type? This may explain why more men (who tend to be systemizers) wear the trousers, figuratively speaking; and why fewer women (who tend to be empathizers) fall into the trouser-wearing category. Perhaps, instead of EQ and SQ quotients, we could start calculating Skirt and Trouser quotients.

A Male Brain Trouser Crime
Some time ago a law was mooted, “[Proposed law] provides that if a person appears in public with his pants below his waist and is exposing his skin or intimate clothing, it is a crime and the person can be fined not more than $500 or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.” It is fortunate that this archaic law was retracted, or Calvin Klein and thongs may never have achieved such notoriety. On the other hand, maybe it was the sight of Britney Spears in the early part of THIS century that spurred Louisiana congressman Dick Shepherd to propose the bill in May 2004.

What a Richard!

Sources:
• Who Wears the Trousers? Tickle
• Who Wears the Trousers? Get Lippy
• Trouser, Dictionary.com
• House Bill No. 1626 by Representative Shepherd CRIME: Prohibits wearing pants below the waist (2004)

About the author
Katrina Boydon is a systemizing female with empathizing traits. She is as likely to be found crying over a sad film as balancing her bank account to the last cent.

You don’t need an emotional intelligence test to tell you that people aren’t all the same. Some of us march to the beat of a drum so very different that other people can’t even hear it. When it comes to sex (an emotional test in and of itself for some) the differences in responses to negative emotions appear to be both gender and personality driven. You might be surprised to know that if you’re in the mood, your partner’s bad mood might not be bad news.

In short, having a real bad day makes some people long for love, according to research recently published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Female Emotional Intelligence and Sex
Basic emotional intelligence tells us that nobody wants to have sex when they’re depressed. Right? And the last thing anyone wants when they’re nail-bitingly anxious is a roll in the hay. For most women, this is true, since depression and anxiety decrease both sexual interest and response. However, one in ten women connects depression with sexual desire, and in 23% of college women anxiety means passion. These women actually become more interested in sex, and more physically responsive, when they’re down or anxious.

Male Emotional Intelligence and Sex
Apparently we can now locate jokes about the male bad mood in the same place as jokes about the location of the male brain. (Don’t think about that too much…) A significant number of men, it seems, want sex no matter what. Depression and anxiety just fan their eternal flames. No surprise there.

Emotional Intelligence Test Reliability
The Mood and Sexuality Questionnaire on which these conclusions are based rely on self-reporting, like the EQ SQ personality tests. As researchers caution, such assessments as these can’t always make finely tuned distinctions. However, if you take the tests simply for your own benefit, what reason do you have to be less than completely truthful (even unwitttingly)?

Emotional Intelligence Ignored
The link between bad days and good sex for some men and women isn’t just an interesting factoid, and you probably shouldn’t rely on it being true for the majority of men or women. Nevertheless, if you ARE thinking about consolation sex, consider the practical consequences. In men, whose eqs tend to be lower anyway, negative moods are also associated with risky sex–no condoms, more partners, casual encounters.

Perhaps everyone should take the EQ SQ tests as part of the prelude?

Ahem.

Sources:
• The Relationship Between Negative Mood and Sexuality in Heterosexual College Women and Men, by Amy D. Lykins, Erick Janssen, and Cynthia A. Graham. Journal of Sex Research 43.2 (May 2006).

About the author
Wendy Croix is a freelance writer and systematizing female whose favorite movie is “The Last Seduction,” a neo-noir about a woman with no eq at all.